I’ve spent months touting the treasures and cultural gems uncovered at thrift stores for pennies on the dollar. I will remain an advocate of the reuse and repurpose market. But today I walked away from the thrift store sad and shaking my head in shame.
The other, esteemed Ms Golightly, Holly, called them the Mean Reds and I have a bad case of them. After an errand I stopped by the neighborhood thrift. With the exception of a few quality items priced beyond my $5 Flinch Point, I mostly found junk, piles of it. Thanks to those Mean Reds, I didn’t want to put on my Snake Eyes and seek thy fortune. I just wasn’t up for it.
It saddens me to see mounds of consumer waste. We’re talking trash. What would make a person buy a Chia Pet? Would you be happy to receive one? How about a Homer Simpson or Shrek Chia Head? Doh! Homer and Shrek are BALD! So why should they grow Chia hair?
Why would we produce and sell dolls that would scare the pants off Chucky? I’ve often thought of hosting a thrift store ugly doll contest. Granted there are lovely vintage dolls that journey the thrift circuit but most thrift dolls are cheap and ugly. I can’t imagine a little girl wanting to have a tea party with any of the dolls I saw today. Let alone cuddle up with one. They’re so tacky your fingers feel synthetic just after touching them! Blech!
This cultural refuse and the economy that created it deeply disturbs me and gives me the shivers. Several months ago I heard an economist comparing our economy to that of the Ottoman Empire right before collapse.
I am left to wonder if Big Mouth Billy Bass or Louie the Large Mouth Bass are indicators of a society in mass decline. I’m referring to the plastic fish ornaments mounted on a faux wood base that convulse and sing “Don’t Worry Be Happy” at a volume that would make a centenarian wince with the timbre of Grizzly claws on chalkboard. It’s not pleasant and any time someone activates one in the thrift store there is a common emotional surge felt among shoppers to grab the closest fondue pot and chase the offender out the store. But most thrift store shoppers are decent people so we suppress the urge to engage mob behavior.
Come to think of it, I think I saw a PBS Nova in which a Big Mouth Billy Bass was excavated in Rome and carbon dated a few years prior to the Empire’s fall. At this archeological dig pottery was found that appears to be Chia in origin. But, don’t worry America, be happy.